group photo after jiu jitsu belt promotions

BJJ: Getting the Blue(s)

Self Improvement, , , ,

Levelled Out

By February 2025, I had been training for 9.5 years. And I had been feeling awkward about being a 3 stripe white belt for about 3 of them. When someone new asked me about my experience, I’d either be precise and say it was a long story or I’d be vague and say I’d been at it “a few years.” How I answered depended on how I was feeling at that moment.

Even though explaining it to others still felt awkward, I embraced it. As I celebrated my 9th Jitsu-versary, I made peace with being on track to be a “One Decade White Belt.” I started Jiu Jitsu for self defense. I’d kept at it for the challenge and exercise. I recognized that I’d only started feeling upset about rank after missing my goal for blue (~5 years) and as people began to look surprised when I told my story. But my reasons remain the same. I’m still more interested in defense than attacks, in learning rather than competing. The nights I value most rarely have to do with how I performed in live rounds – they are often focused on nailing the technique we drilled, the triumph of teammates, or helping a new woman fall in love with the sport.

Despite the peace I made with my position, I still struggled to train with any kind of regularity. I’d added in 2 powerlifting classes a week and I was making it to those because they were the least likely to conflict with other things – and I got a nice lil dopamine hit from the quick gains and PRs that I experienced as a near-newbie (I did a lil Olympic lifting back in college). Jiu Jitsu classes might clash with doctors appointments or dance nights or any number of other things. And other things that typically had someone else counting on me. Even depressed, I felt compelled to fulfill my obligations. To others, that is … I’m not so great at fulfilling them for myself.

Low Down

Something unusual happened in the summer of 2024 – my depression got worse. Summer is when my depression is usually the lightest. It’s my favorite season. It’s warm and sunny. I get to do fun things that I can’t or won’t do in other seasons. It’s the only time I’ll surf in our frigid Maine waters. Pre-burnout from my previous job, it was the season where I could actually reduce my depression medication dosage.

When I reached fall with no improvement, I knew I had to do something different. I had tried adding a second medication in the past and just wound up with wicked dry mouth that lead to a wicked H. Pylori infection, so more drugs weren’t the answer. I started looking into TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation), a non-invasive physical treatment meant to “wake up” the depressed parts of the brain. After a false start with one provider who hosed up my insurance approval, I got approved with a different provider and began treatment in early November.

Lead Head

TMS treatment was unusual. I started with two and a half hours sitting very still in a dentist-like chair with a grid cap on to get “mapped” (determine where to aim the magnet). And then 20 minutes of treatment 5 days a week for 7 weeks. They describe the sensation of the magnet pulsing on your skull as “tapping” – that word feels a little too gentle for how it felt, but I’m not sure which word works better. It’s lighter than a thump, sharper than a whack. Kind of like having a very large elastic band pulled tight and snapped against your scalp.

The first week, I didn’t really notice a difference except for some vivid dreams – the funniest and most notable one was that I was meeting rock band, The Warning, backstage at some sort of award show when one of them sneezed right in my face – and I woke up to Miles snorting at me for breakfast. My sleep had been the bad end of iffy before I started treatment. I thought it might have gotten slightly better, but after 5 straight days of treatments, I was exhausted. And it continued that way through my treatment.

Love Lost?

By mid-December, I thought I might have fallen out of love with jiu jitsu. It was the first time I’d taken an extended break and hadn’t missed it. I wonder if I was just done with it. It’s something I didn’t say out loud to anyone. Just a thought that crept into my brain and sat in the background. Like thinking you might have to break up with someone but not being sure enough to do it.

I was tired of nagging injuries limiting my activity. I was tired of schedule conflicts or conflicted feelings. I was just so fucking tired.

But I couldn’t really be sure without going back.

In January 2025, I had completed TMS treatment and was sleeping better(ish) with medication. I decided I would set myself a training schedule and stick to it as best I could. I quickly realized that I did still love BJJ – we were not breaking up. It was a relief to be back. I managed to get a whole 30 days into the year before a gnarly sinus cold put me out of the game for about a week. Once I was down to a sniffle, I went back. I’d been to 3 classes by the time our gym’s seminar and promotion ceremony came around on February 15th.

Levelling Up

I went into the day assuming that I was going to be celebrating the accomplishments of my teammates. I had a feeling Alyssa, our highest ranking woman and incredibly supportive teammate, was going to get her purple belt. I didn’t think I’d been consistent enough, that the coaches had seen me enough, to level up. I thought that maybe they might top off my white belt with that last stripe because I kept coming back after all my brief absences. There was a tiny flicker of hope that maybe it would be more than the stripe. More my eternal optimism than any real expectation. Still, because it made me smile, I decided to toss on the “Pretty Bad Ass” shorts I’d worn to all my tests at the last minute. They were buried in the drawer, rarely worn in the last 5 years.

I partnered with my newly-pregnant friend Ann for the seminar portion of the morning. She’d expressed some nervousness about it beforehand and I’d volunteered to partner up, happy to skip or modify anything that made her anxious. As it happened, there was only one face down stomach-squishing move in the mix, so I simply had her practice it on me and not vice versa. We drilled and laughed and sweat our way through the seminar.

When the time came for promotions, we lined up. Colored belts in the front, white belts (and 14yo gray belt, Ella) in the back, in roughly (very roughly) in order of rank. They would call up those being promoted in rank order. First off was Chelsea, a woman who’d been training consistently and killing it for months. She was shocked when she was called up and given 2 stripes at once. When she fell back into line, I congratulated her and teased her for seeming so surprised when she’d been putting in the work. Ella was called up and awarded her gray/black belt – also not surprising, given her move to adult classes and assistant coaching in the little kids classes. Then Coach Kramer got out the first blue belt… and called my name.

I was stunned. I recall making some kind of disbelieving noise without moving. Kramer had to say “Yeah, you!” to get my feet moving. Once I was in motion, disbelief gave way to overwhelming emotion. I fought back trembling tears, only half hearing what Coach said as he removed my tattered white belt and replaced it with the stiff bright blue belt. Something about all 3 coaches agreeing and feeling I was an “asset” to the gym. That word stood out even as the other ones faded into a blurry jumble in my head, drowned out by the cheering of my teammates. Alternately holding my hands to my heart and my mouth as I wavered between joy and overwhelm.

After I hugged each coach, I began to walk back to my place in line. This time it was my turn to be given a hard time – I was walking back to the white belts. I was supposed to line up with the blue belts now! I took my place in line and cheered as others received rewards for their hard work.

Two new blues lined up next to me: Eric, the LEO who uses the story of me tapping him in his very first live roll to convince other officers to join the sport. Tyler, whose cover band I’d discovered a year ago by chance and had become a regular for their shows. I hugged them each and congratulated them, happy I was there to see their moment and proud of them. They each knew a bit about my story and told me how happy and proud they were of me.

The promotions continued and Coach Kramer awarded Evolution’s first purple belts. Dan & Alyssa were moving up, hard workers who’d been putting in the time and giving back by teaching. I silently congratulated myself on guessing correctly, while loudly cheering for them as the belts went on.

After that, we wrapped up the event with group photos and promotion photos and extra congratulations all around. I got in the car and Top of the World by Dorothy started playing. I laughed when I realized it, grinning ear to ear and stepping on the gas.

After cleaning up and getting changed, I thought about going back to class on Monday and felt impostor syndrome threaten to take hold. Would it feel right to be on the mats with that belt? What would visitors think?

I checked out the lovely photos our in-house photographer had taken. I teased him when I saw my promotion pics – he rarely got me in day to day candids, but he managed to get gorgeous pictures of me ugly crying as I received my belt. Alyssa sent me a wonderful message later that night, saying again how happy she was for me. Another teammate, Lindsay, sent me video she’d taken. I watched it, hoping I would be able to make out what Coach had said to me, but my teammates were cheering too loudly for me to hear him. What a wonderful problem to have.

group photo after jiu jitsu belt promotions

And After…

I had stuffed my battered white belt into a drawer – if I left it in my gym bag, I might have put it back on out of habit. I expected the flash of impostor syndrome that hit me a few hours after the promotion to stick around. Much to my surprise, it didn’t. On Monday, I had my first class with.. blue gi and blue sports bra – I swear, I didn’t plan to match, I was overdue for laundry and that was all I had! The stiff belt felt awkward to tie, but class felt good. Rolling felt different but not at the same time. I hit a smooth sweep during a low key roll with Lu, one of those rare BJJers who can actually roll light when they say they will. The belt fabric may have been stiff, but I was starting to relax into my new rank.

After a few more classes, I started to think about my development. What did progress look like for a non-competition blue belt? A weekly class w/Coach Bruce was focusing on back control and since that is the best place to be in BJJ, I thought I would start working on that. And I did, for a couple of weeks…

And Now…

This post is coming so much later because about a month after the promotion, what little progress I got from TMS vaporized and perimenopause hit me like a ton of bricks. For any menfolk reading and flinching away, chill out. Perimenopause has an enormous number of possible symptoms and only a few have to do with “lady parts.” As is my body’s habit, I got a slew of small but annoying symptoms. Break outs, dry skin, itchy ears, bloating. And some bigger ones – a drop in the quality of my already dismal sleep, fatigue, brain fog.

At the same time, my laptop bit the dust. While I could technically have used my work laptop to finish the post, it felt wrong. A casual glance at my email might have working intruding on my personal time. And then my work schedule shifted, my strength trainer moved away, and the yoga classes were reduced. It felt like everything was off balance.

By the time the holidays rolled around, I just decided to call it for the year. Self-inflicted pressure that “I should be going more” wasn’t helping. This go around, the break was an intentional rest & reset, rather than demanded by circumstances/doctor’s appointments. And this time I didn’t question my love of the sport.

When January rolled around, I got back to classes. After several months of putting an ass print on my couch, I was woefully out of condition. I exhaustion tapped about halfway through my very first roll with Alyssa. Not even ‘let’s switch to drilling” (which she kindly offered) – just straight up running out of juice. I knew it was going to be a long haul to even get back to the so-so state I was in last fall.

Since then, I can’t say I’ve been consistent, but I’ve been making the effort. The benefit to starting so low is that I’ve already seen some improvement. I went to 3 classes last week. I felt a lot of soreness in my abs and arms by the end of it, but nothing that a little rest & epsom soaks wouldn’t fix.

Today marks 1 year since I earned my blue belt. I’m still here. I’m happy to say that both the other blues promoted that day are still there too. We’ve all had shifts or changes in training, but we keep coming back. My aim is to get more consistent before making a larger plan. But whichever path I choose, I know I’ll keep moving forward.

pawprint in mud

SoML: Mud

Self Improvement, , , , , , , ,

Imagine you walk through mud every day…

Some days, the mud is thick, sucking at your shoes, even pulling them off. Each step is a concentrated effort, carefully placing your foot as you try to find firmer ground.

Some days, the mud is thin but slick. You can make quick progress forward, but you are stumbling, uncertain, sometimes moving the wrong way and having to regain your footing.

Some days, the mud is shallow and seems like it’s starting to dry. Your feet don’t sink, you don’t slip. It’s still harder to walk than dry land, but only a little bit.

Some days, you’re wearing flip flops. Some days, you’re wearing boots.

Some days, the sun is shining high and you start to think that maybe it’ll dry out. You get some steps on dry land. You think maybe that feeling will stick around. But then a day or two goes by and the storm clouds gather and you know it’s going to be back to the same routine.

Deep, shallow. Thick, thin. Crusting on your shoes or taking them altogether. But always, always, there.

Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine all those scenarios. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

You’ve just gotten a glimpse into the world of someone with chronic “functional” depression. The kind that comes from brain chemistry, not lifestyle or circumstances. The kind you might not see because the house is clean, the work is done, and the bills are paid. The kind where (at least if you’re like me) there may not be suicidal ideation, there isn’t even always sadness, but there is a lot of “Fuck, are things ever going to get better?” It really wears us down when nearly every damn thing we have to do takes more effort to get done. Physically and/or mentally. No matter how well we manage it, we cannot truly predict how thick the mud is going to be each day.

Soundtrack of My Life

It’s no wonder that this analogy popped into my mind, since MUD by Dorothy has been on heavy rotation on my playlist ever since it came out. It is a bit more country-infused metal than her early “modern day Janis” vibes, but just as gritty and good.

Now this is the part where I would normally put in all (or most) of the song lyrics and break them down. But I’m trying this new thing where I allow myself to evolve things rather than sticking to the rules or formats I made up in the first place. All the other lines of this song are more about the vibe. It’s these that get to the core of it for me:

Now if your crown ain’t bent and your halo ain’t crooked yet
You might as well be six feet in dirt, yeah
Some call it danger, some call it trouble
I call it digging deep without a shovel

It’s exhausting work to walk through the mud, but if you’re not trying, you’re not living. So you dig deep inside and fight to keep going. You get dirt under your nails from picking yourself up off the ground and you keep walking. You slog forward to make things just a little bit better for yourself. All the while hoping that maybe, some day the mud will dry up for good.

This shit is hard, but what choice do we have?

No Gi, Yes Gi, Yogi sticker on orange car

BJJ: Finding Balance

Self Improvement, , , ,

The last several years of my BJJ journey have been out of balance (to say the least).

Off Balance

Something started to change for me at my old gym in early 2022. There was a separation. A hardness. I tried to push through the feeling with my trademark “long legs and stubbornness,” but those can only get you so far.

I was nursing a soft tissue strain in my shoulder that kept teasing me, convincing me it was healed, only to flare up again. To protect my shoulder, I mostly opted out of live rounds, outside of “Church” (10 am Sunday open mat) where I would roll selectively. My overall health started to deteriorate – though I didn’t fully recognize it then – and it took all my energy to stick with my regular training schedule. While I neglected things at home, I went to all my usual classes.

In April, I got COVID. The symptoms were pretty mild – mostly a killer headache and cough for 2 days – but I couldn’t seem to get my energy back afterwards. The malaise and fatigue I was feeling prior to the virus were amplified.

From the outside, according to some people, I was making excuses and not showing commitment to my training. And still, I began making small progress as we moved toward summer. Long legs and stubbornness taking charge once again…

Off the Rails

Then on Memorial Day Weekend, the wheels came off. I had to find a new gym. I was upset, but it had to happen. Talking over my options with my good friend Robin, they made the observation about the hard edged teaching and training style I would be leaving behind.

“You’ve ground your face against the wheel for long enough.”

They reminded me that I had gone through my process of getting tougher (they should know, they did much of the smushing) and I needed something different now. I could look for another style of instruction. Explore a new approach.

I quickly settled on my new destination. It was a very different gym but with some familiar connections. A few long-time members had trained at my old gym while their current (gorgeous!) facility had been built. One member, Lu, had even been at my one and only tournament. Despite not knowing each other well, he’d warmly cheered on me and my teammates. When I reached out to ask him about classes and instructors, he was immediately welcoming.

Shifting to my new gym took some adjusting. The logistics of a new location and slightly longer drive; and the glorious additions of a full service gym, changing rooms, and a sauna. The not-so-glorious switch to no Saturday classes. And weekend open mats at 8am – a no-go for this late night dancing queen.

Effort & Ease

I found myself missing my Sunday morning “Church” routine until I discovered an alternative. On top of all the other wonderful additions, my new gym had yoga classes, one of which was Sundays at 10am. I was able to resume my Sunday morning routine, but my activity and mindset began to shift.

I took an immediate liking to Kayla, the yoga teacher who I’d already met on the mats. She was active in Jiu Jitsu and kickboxing, so she understood how our bodies get used and abused. Her classes were all-levels – accessible to newbies, experts, and the off-and-on practitioners like myself. (I was introduced to yoga way back in my college rowing days and find my way back every half decade or so.)

Back in action w/my homemade yoga mat bag, circa 2005

One of the things I especially enjoyed about Kayla was her incorporation of traditional yogi philosophy into classes. Picking themes or chakras to focus on. Mixing it up to move with the seasons. And an emphasis on balance – in your mind and your focus – allowing you to honor your effort while also allowing moments of ease.

But Still Not Balanced…

In spite of these positive changes, but my health was still deteriorating. By early 2023, I was struggling to have energy for anything, not just training. My sleep was garbage, my energy and mood followed suit. I was thankful I worked from home, since my lunch breaks were often taken up by naps. I was quite simply out of juice.

I happen to run into a former teammate who’d just started a side hustle in nutrition. I thought I was just going to work on spiffing up my diet. But our conversation lead to running some labs to dig up the root cause. What we found was a whole host of things that needed fixing before my diet could even make an impact.

It’s been just over a year now. It is a long slow battle but things are moving in the right direction. I no longer nap regularly and I’m starting to feel my strength and stamina return. But the things that were damaged are slow to heal and some setbacks (like COVID bout #2 in January) are inevitable.

New Year, More Balanced Me

After the initial setback of COVID in January, I plotted out the beginning of my year. I already had a regular every other week schedule with my chiropractor and my LMT to manage my body’s dysfunction, but I was going to start a more proactive approach.

I’ve focused on the upper body strength training class on Wednesdays and am abstaining from that night’s Takedowns & Transitions class (for the time being). I aim to attend 2 out of 3 yoga classes per week, to keep everything moving and have time to center myself. And I’m attending Monday night’s Gi Jiu Jitsu class as much as possible – on top of being my favorite class, Coach Kramer’s warm ups are a killer lower body calisthenic workout.

I still struggle with shifting my mindset from the old way/place. I’ll start to beat myself up for acting “weak” or “soft” – for not training often enough or hard enough. I mentioned to Sarah Lee, my Thai massage therapist (LMT), that I felt bad that I didn’t roll as often or as hard as I did before. She pointed out that my body has become much more integrated since I slowed down and focused on my health. She could feel the changes in my strength and decrease in muscle dysfunction. After several years working together just to keep me functional, she was finally starting to see progress.

Moments of Balance

It’s cliche but true – everyone’s BJJ journey is different. I’ve proven that I can do the hard stuff. I don’t have to do it all the time for that work to count. It is a trait I can use when it’s necessary or important to me. Not when other people think I should, especially not the echoes of voices from my past. I’m not where I imagined I’d be back in 2020. But now I know where I’m going.

Ironically, it’s taken me a long time to write this post because I felt like I needed to be in a perfectly balanced place to hit publish. But the reality is that balance is a fluid state – something Kayla reminds us of when we’re practicing Tree or Crow or other balance-intensive postures – and it changes moment by moment.

I’m continuing to work towards balance. I’m giving myself both the space and grace to move in the ways that I need to move. Though Jiu Jitsu and Yoga have been more hit or miss than I hoped for, I’m on a nearly 3 month streak with lifting and starting to see some PRs and other encouraging progress.

Tree pose for balance, t-shirt for laughs
Embracing the Majestically Awkward

Speaking of balance… I was able to snag a cute Gaidama sticker for my “new” ride. It is an orange 2018 Subaru Crosstrek, aka the Atomic Tangerine, aka reason that my bank account is currently very far out of balance…

No Gi, Yes Gi, Yogi sticker on orange car
The Atomic Tangerine repping the balanced mindset.

The Kitchen According to Hello Fresh

Paleo, Recipes, Review, , , , ,

Way back when I first moved to my little slice of suburban heaven, Dave and I tried Green Chef. You could limit the meals to Paleo and the food was also delicious, but the price was more than we could justify (especially since Dave’s a great cook – which is not coincidently when I let my meal planning skills get so bad). I tried Sun Basket a few years later. The meals were good and I was able to opt for Paleo only offerings, but it wasn’t much cheaper than Green Chef.

Continue reading The Kitchen According to Hello Fresh →

Depression Lies – But She’s Such a Convincing Bitch

Self Improvement, , , , , ,

Depression loves to lie to you. Whether it is a small lie (“new recipes never turn out right for you”) or a big one (“you’re not going to find another job in your field”), Depression is going to twist things up and make you doubt that good things will happen in life.

Continue reading Depression Lies – But She’s Such a Convincing Bitch →

Lazy Bones “Mexican” Beef

Recipes, Self Improvement, , , , ,

In honor of the Cinco de Mayo and being stuck at home, here’s a stripped down recipe. Once again, I looked at a real recipe, thought that looked like a lot of work, and made it simpler.

Does anyone remember the Abs Diet? It was like low fat and Atkins had a baby. Lean meats and net carbs. I can’t say the few recipes I got from it did much for my abs at the time, but the general gist of their Aztec Casserole stuck with me through the years and modified pretty easily to being Paleo.

Continue reading Lazy Bones “Mexican” Beef →

BJJ: My Time to (Shark) Tank

Self Improvement, , , , , , , , , ,

In September 2017, I tested for my 1st stripe on my white belt. In some ways, the real test was stepping on to the mat and saying I was ready.

On January 11th, 2020, I tested for my 4th stripe. For those that don’t know, it’s the final stripe for white belt which makes me eligible for blue belt promotion. And while I drilled probably hundreds of hours with my training partner, John, and ramped up my rolling, the hardest part was simply telling myself it was time to say yes.

Continue reading BJJ: My Time to (Shark) Tank →

All Caulked Up

Home Repair, Single Life, , , ,

Disclaimer: The following tells the true story of a home improvement project while offering a satirical look at my love life. Not all details in the analogy translate to reality. I’ll leave it to you to guess which are true and which are just funny.

I have had a caulk problem for a while now. The old stuff stopped doing its job a long time ago and I hadn’t had the attention or the energy to look for a solution.

Finally, late last year, I asked for help. I put in a request with property management. What I got was a mess. Literally. After he came by, I found caulk smeared everywhere. On the shower curtain, ground into my bath mat, even on the trash can! It was a sloppy rush job. What’s worse is that the caulk didn’t even do what it was supposed to. He hadn’t bothered to fully clean and prep the area. There were holes where it didn’t completely fill the gap. Other areas, it filled initially but later shrank and left empty.

I tried to ignore it because the whole thing was such a hassle. But after a while I got sick of staring at it.

Magic Caulk

So one day I finally headed out to Lowe’s to find a solution. My shopping list was caulk & bulbs. The bulbs were for my Himalayan salt lamp. The old bulb had burnt out after several years of giving me perfect sleepy-selfie lighting. They were a little hard to find because there were so many similar varieties, but I managed to grab the right ones to flatter my face. Wandering through the aisles, I found the caulk solution I’d been considering – Magic Caulk. It was a hard plastic caulk that was supposed to replace real caulk in a no hassle way. Simply figure out the desired length, clean the application area and push the caulk into place. Aside from a somewhat picky cleaning protocol, the only downside was having to wait 8 hours for it to bond before you could use it.

A package of peel & stick caulk

Given the long wait time, I put it off for a while until I couldn’t stand it any longer. I took out the packaging, gave the instructions a good long look, and went to work. Getting the right angles wasn’t easy in certain spots and it was hard to get it straight in the gap sometimes. The end result wasn’t the prettiest thing but it looked like we were in business. I waited until it was ready to go.

When I was ready to test it out, much to my dismay, I found the caulk was already drooping. Some places it’d come off altogether while other spots were sadly sagging. Clearly this hard plastic caulk wasn’t as magical as it claimed. I was frustrated and so over dealing with the problem. One long piece was entirely in place & the others would go back in with some pushing. A partial solution was better than nothing.

Peel & stick caulk
Drooping disappointment

Real Caulk

My next trip to Lowe’s, my shopping list was caulk & blocks. The blocks were to repair my bed after 2 out of 3 middle support legs had failed. I needed my bed to stop caving in the middle when I used it. The caulk itself wasn’t hard to find – I knew I needed it to be white, non-shrinking, and have a shorter turn around time than the Magic Caulk. I found a decent looking tube rather quickly.

I needed a way to use it, so I set off in search for a caulk gun. (Oddly enough, they aren’t kept with the plumbing caulk.) Searching down the aisle, every caulk gun was just completely unreasonable in size. The type of caulk gun you see people using professionally. Thankfully when I mentioned my situation to a friend, he was able to hook me up with a gun that was the right size for the job.

Doing It

Once again, I procrastinated getting a handle on it. It felt like a lot of work. Then I saw a friend on FB post that he’d just taken care of his caulk and it inspired me to tackle mine. I was going for a blended method because the plastic caulk on the long side of the tub was holding up.

Quickly, I stripped and prepped the areas. I made sure the cut was thick enough and got to work. Trying not to waste it, playing with positioning to hit the right angles. I tried not to make a mess. My hands got sticky but I managed not to get any in my hair. I kept a supply of towels nearby for clean up. In the end, it wasn’t perfect but I didn’t think perfect caulk was worth the effort. I thought I’d done a pretty good job for someone with limited experience caulking.

The entire thing start to finish was faster than I expected, but not in a bad way. It claimed to be ready to work in 30 minutes but I decided to give it longer. (Those estimates are always optimistic.) I checked it out during my shower an hour or so later. I touched a few spots, looked from a few angles and everything seemed to check out. Now to see if it holds up over time!

PS: If you enjoyed this tongue in cheek silliness, check out Realtor.com is Tinder for Houses from back when I first re-entered the dating scene. (Spoiler alert : I have still found neither house nor spouse. I’m waiting until the right opportunities comes along, ones worth investing in.)